Magda had already gone to work. I was alone with the cat. I felt no motivation to do anything. I made a simple breakfast and went back to my favorite green recliner in the bedroom. I just sat there as I sipped my morning tea. In the depth of my shadow, feeling my worst, I was focused on my short comings and failures. Although, the part of me that is secure in the Divine Order of All things calmly observed the mayhem of my ego, my feelings were all wrapped up in beating myself up.

My wise, compassionate and generous life companion, Magda, called to check on me and I told her that I was having a hard morning. She reminded me that I could take the time to just be and let all these feeling percolate and their messages come to the surface. I stayed on the recliner listening to an enjoyable book when I fell asleep again. This time I rested and when I woke up, I felt better. The wave had passed and I could now look at what I understood from the experience.

After my mother passed away a month ago, I have been processing the experience and have decided to that in the next 4 months I will study and practice the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, the “ELF –Eternal Life Force” and the “Spiritual Entrepreneur” by Lauren McLaughlin, “The Power of Intention” by Wayne Dyer and “Mind is Your Own Business” by John McLaughlin. One of the most important messages in what I have learned already is understanding the importance of the role of ego in how I perceive reality and how I feel about it.

From Lauren and John McLaughlin, I learned a technique to name my ego. This was a very powerful exercise which helped me to examine the characteristics of my ego objectively. In order to name her, I had to pay attention to how my ego manifests in my life. “The Perfect Empress of Everything” is the name I chose because it is a very accurate description of my ego. In the process, I realized that when “Her Majesty” dominates my reality, I am held accountable to an unrealistic level of scrutiny to be “Perfect”. Among other things, The Empress also feels a sense of entitlement, ownership and responsibility for making the Change Thrivers Concept an international success. She is invested in being the well recognized teacher of the change thrivers message and leaving a legacy of good work behind. Anything short of that is failure.

The desire for success is of course perfectly legitimate. It provides an important goal for my ego to attain. The problem comes however, when my ego takes the center stage and gains dominance over how I perceive myself and how I feel as a result. My feeling of depression this morning was signaling that I did not perceive myself at the level of success that the Empress had envisioned for this far along the journey and therefore I was judging myself as having failed. It was important for me to allow myself the time to face these feelings long enough to understand what they were telling me. But I didn’t want to stay there.

Talking with a dear friend last week, I learned another very helpful method for shifting my feelings and raising my energy level. I begin by paying attention, “Am I feeling calm?” if I do, I am in the flow and open to my Source. If I don’t, then I am in resistance and pinching myself from the ever-flowing Source Energy. Resistance only comes when my ego is in charge and tries to control things and when she is not getting her way. When I feel bad, I am in resistance and to be in the flow I must shift to feeling good. When I reach a better feeling place like gratitude, I raise my level of consciousness and I can choose to surrender my fears to my Source.

In his book on the Power of Intention, Wayne Dyer quotes, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, change.” Once I realized that I am feeling bad because I am not measuring to my ego’s expectations of me and I had a choice to see this in a different way, my ego lost its energy and her grip on me. As soon as I changed the way I perceived myself, my feelings began to change. Instead of seeing myself through the lens of my ego, I chose to remember that “I am God’s own perfect creation!”

As I began to prepare dinner, I thought about Dr. Dyer talking about the six ways that ego can keep us from connecting to the power of intention; the Creative Power that binds everything and everyone together. One way to pinch the flow of intention into my life is to see myself as my accomplishments. Today I felt separated from my Source because I bought into the belief that the success of Change Thrivers was all up to Me and I forgot that All things happen in Divine Order.

*One of the twelve daily affirmations that you can find at www.unitynow.com

Being in my mid- late 50′s and with my mother having passed away only 5 months ago, I find this to be true for me. I have been working on exactly this shedding of ego for the last 4 months. It is certainly a process of searching deep within myself and asking, What is important enough to me to spend my life energy on? Many things that mattered even 5 years ago, are now losing their grip on me.

What do you think? If you are middle aged, what is your experience?

I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.

I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve learned… . That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned… That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people Smarter than I am.

I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve learned.. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned…. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve learned…. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned …. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Andy Rooney

Listen to the Show here: Step Aside Super Woman, Career & Family is for Any Woman
July 18, 2011
Guest: Christine Brown-Quinn
Christine’s Website: Christine Brown-Quinn
Book on Amazon: Step Aside Super Woman – Career and Family is For Any Woman

About the Show:

Who Said You Can’t Have it All? Educated and ambitious women today are clear about what they want… Yes, you can say it loudly and not feel guilty or isolated… I WANT BOTH!

Combining career and family is a fact of life for modern women, resulting from their tremendous progress in education and professional development. And, the great news is that you don’t need to be a Superwoman to get the balance right. It’s tough, yes. Rewarding too. But this ultimate juggling act is much easier when you have the right tools. Christine Brown-Quinn, a high powered career woman and mother, shares over two decades of hard-won advice.

Change Thrivers Tips by Christine:

1. Find the right partner  – DISCUSS career ambition and family aspiration – don’t make assumptions
2. Don’t overcomplicate your childcare arrangements and RESPECT your childcare provider – she is one of the linchpins to making it all work!
3. Think like a business owner when trying to make changes to your work schedule to accommodate personal life

About Christine:

Entrepreneur and author, Christine Brown-Quinn founded her consultancy practice The Female Capitalist™ in 2010, after publishing her book entitled Step Aside Super Woman, Career & Family is for Any Woman. Formerly a managing director in banking & finance, she now works as an author, international speaker and management consultant. The Female Capitalist offers professional women innovative and refreshing ways to enjoy their career-family lifestyle. The company also offers businesses the opportunity to improve bottom-line performance through gender diversity.

Listen to the Show here: Dealing Delicately with Difficult People
May 2011
Guest: Monica Wafford
Monica’s Website: Monica Wafford Companies

Change Thrivers Tip by Monica:

In any communication scenario, the more you can be authentic, be honest, be clear and be kind, the more effective your communication will be. When we communicate that way, we find that people will respond in similar way. The communication dialogue flows as opposed to being stalled.

The authenticity is key because it shows who you really are. The honesty is key because you talk about what your need really is. The clarity is key because it fosters understanding. And the kindness is important because there is so much stress, so much negativity and so much difficulty in the world which we live that is easy to fuel a reactionary pattern for most of us. When people expect you to be less than kind, a simple kind word can elevate the level of understanding and communication to a platform that maybe you didn’t expect but are glad to receive.

Listen to the Show here: Write Down Your Soul to Activate the Voice Within
May 16, 2011
Guest: Janet Connor
Janet’s Website

Change Thrivers Tips By Janet Connor:

1. Give yourself the gift of STOP. The one gift we can all give ourselves is the gift of time. It can be just a few minutes, but for those five or ten minutes, get off the go-go train we ride all day and just be still. Deep soul write or meditate or just sit and breathe. Allow. Allow your inner knowing, that wise loving Voice, to speak to you. In the silence, you will find your way.
2. Pick up a pen. Don’t wait until you’ve finished reading Writing Down Your Soul. Take a breath, set your intention, address the Voice by name and begin.  It’s a life-long conversation. You can start it today whether you know all the ins and outs or not. Release any expectations of what it “ought” to be like. Just begin. You’ll find the Voice is a loving, gentle presence and is oh so happy you’ve come to talk.
3. Ask for guidance. Ask for guidance on the page in your deep soul writing, in your mind, in your prayers, as you’re falling asleep. All day and night long, ask for help. Help will come. It may come in forms you didn’t expect, but it will come.
4. Pay attention. Everyone has innate spiritual intelligence, we just don’t use it. By starting to become aware of your spiritual intelligence, you strengthen and expand it, just like a muscle used in exercise. How do you exercise your spiritual intelligence? Pay attention to your intuition, your gut feelings, your emotions, synchronicities, books and messages that come your way, invitations, dreams…. There is no end to the ways guidance works with us once we begin to pay attention.
5. Maximize your natural time in theta. As we awaken from sleep each and every one of us moves through the theta brain wave state—the only state in which we have access to break through thinking and true creativity. So use it. In the morning, lie perfectly still, don’t open your eyes. Just lie there and allow information and ideas to flow to you. Train yourself to lie still for longer and longer periods of time. Any question can be solved just resting in theta.
6. Go on a media diet. Especially if you are in a fearful state right now or prone to pick up other people’s fear. The media and our political systems are designed to keep us afraid so we’ll turn to them to tell us how to stay safe. Fear is the absolute worst thing for your soul. Your soul is not naturally fearful. It is not afraid of life; it chose life. So help yourself by stepping away from the waves of things to be afraid of coming over the TV and internet and radio. If you can’t limit all TV, at least don’t watch any news before bed.
7. Eat lots of “soul food.” In place of your media diet, feed your soul with lots of rich spiritual books and practices. Listen to loving uplifting messages. Read mystical poetry. Write down your soul. Pray. Sit in nature. Be still and know that you are loved.