Change Thrivers, are you dreading going into the office because of Negative Nellie or Disengaged Dan?  Do you live with Frustrating Frank at home?  Our next Change Thrivers guest is Monica Wofford, MBA, CSP, international speaker and former corporate leader, a Certified CORE® coach and author of several books including The Type A Myth”, “Contagious Leadership”, “Contagious Confidence”,  and “Contagious Customer Service”.  Monica helps others to determine who they are, how to work with others, and what their own true gifts are. 

Change Thrivers search for resources to bring all areas of their lives to joy.  We’re looking for insights that can help us perform at our very best.  Monica agrees, and joins us with tips and resources to understand why difficult people may be “different”.  She describes personality types of her CORE ® system- from Commanders to Organizers to Relaters to Entertainers, offering ideas on relating, working with and supporting these aspects in others, and possibly ourselves.  Difficult people often deflate our joy, bring down our energy levels, and require forcing ourselves to engage.  Monica’s team of companies have focused on motivating others to stay in balance, be authentically engaged, and completely contagious.   Monica has been a manager since the age of 17 years old, and has worked with companies like the US Mint, United Healthcare, FAA, Hallmark, Hormel, AT&T, and Homeland Security.

Monica says “there is great value in you being you” and wants you, Change Thrivers, to live the lives you’ve been dreaming of, without obstacles.  Join us this Monday, May 2^th, 2011 with your questions about relating to the difficult people in your life. 

Can’t listen live?  Visit http://www.changethrivers.com/category/archived-shows/for archived shows when you are ready.
 
Upcoming Shows
May 16, 2011
“Writing Down Your Soul” Janet Connor
 
June 6, 2011
“Beating Ovarian Cancer! A Story of Change and Personal Growth!” Janice Lightbourne

June 20, 2011
“Emotional Exhibitionism: Authentic Expression as a Path to Health”Theresa Rose
 
Coaching for Change
Are you facing changes that you find difficult to get through by yourself? Afsaneh Noori offers Change Thriving skills to coach you through making the challenges of your life work for you. Please e-mail info@ChangeThrivers.com or call (813) 984-9718.
 
Free Offers
Free Change Thrivers E-workbook and Free Shipping, Order Change Thrivers – Your Resource Guide For Making Change Work at www.ChangeThriversBook.com.
 
For Sponsorship opportunities or to invite Afsaneh to speak, facilitate a workshop or a change circle at you next event, e-mail info@ChangeThrivers.com.
 
Many thanks to our sponsors:
Kathy Perry at www.Kathyperry.comfor social media marketing guidance
Terez Hartmann at www.RockMYSpirit.comfor our theme song, “Welcome Change”
VonHenry Media Productions at www.VonHenry.comfor producing our videos and still shots
Joanne Wieland at www.LinkToExpert.comfor promoting Change Thrivers Concept
Dalla Johnson at Lucky Copy www.LuckyCopy.comfor writing and PR services
Venita Garvin Valdez at The Garvin Valdez Group, LLC, www.VenitasViewOnline.com
Christy DeArment Martin & Judy Lynn Koons at Psychic Potentials www.psychicpotentials.com
Magda Santos at Saturday Healing Show www.blogtalkradio.com/speakfreely

Listen to the show: Releasing Unfinished Business to Improve the Quality of Your Life

Show description: Eileen Broer, President of The Human Dimension, walks us through the steps to complete Unfinished Business – even when it includes someone who can’t or won’t meet us halfway – or when we’re not able or ready to confront the other person.

Change Thrivers Tips

9 Facts about Unfinished Business

1. Occurs when experiences are not completed for some reason.
2. Often due to avoidance or conflict.
3. Contains memories and associations that still have “voltage” or emotional energy. Finished Business does not maintain “voltage.”
4. Stays in the memory with two to three times the force of Finished Business.
5. Drains energy.
6. Becomes a rigid, fixed pattern that keeps demanding to be re-experienced.
7. The hope that if we re-experience it, it will come out differently, and we will get what we want.
8. Relationships will give us an opportunity to re-create the experience (feelings).
9. The more Unfinished Business we can release, the more we are available for new experiences.

 4 Common Reactions to Unfinished Business

1. You avoid the person involved.
2. You do not want anyone else to have a good relationship with that person either.
3. You make unkind remarks about her/him.
4. You do not support her/his ideas, feelings, etc.

A few of the topics discussed during the show:

1. How do I know, if I have unfinished business?
2. Why we may be hurting ourselves by not completing our unfinished business.
3. How do we complete it?
4. How do we release Unfinished Business with someone who can’t or won’t meet us halfway or is no longer around?

About Eileen Broer:

As an Executive Coach, Coaches’ Coach, President of the Human Dimension consultancy, and Vice President of three Fortune 500 companies, Eileen has worked with executives and leaders at all levels.  Eileen has helped people in all walks of life complete unfinished business, including at the top levels of organizations.  In her 25 years as an Organizational Development Consultant, she has also facilitated countless teams to surface and complete their unfinished business.  She is a Master Facilitator and Transformational Teacher. 

Another recent interest of Eileen is Educating, Supporting and Celebrating Indigo and Crystal Children, Youth and Adults, and their Parents, Teachers, Grandparents, and other Caregivers. To learn more about her visit her websites: HumanDimension and Elayna

Using Gestalt psychology, Eileen Broer teaches us steps we can take to complete Unfinished Business – even when it involves someone who can’t or won’t meet us halfway, or when the relationship is not important enough to confront the other person. We learn why completing our Unfinished Business is one of the most helpful things we can do for our health, well-being and personal growth, and that of our friends, co-workers, teammates and family.

About Eileen Broer:

Eileen is a highly respected executive coach and organization development consultant for over thirty years. She served as vice president/corporate vice president of three Fortune 500 companies, and has coached and consulted to hundreds of individuals, parents, executives, and leadership teams all over the world. She has co-facilitated countless personal growth, leadership development, and human interaction laboratories and Gestalt self-awareness groups. She has been president of several associations and served on several Boards. She has received awards for her leadership.

Visit Eileen’s websites: The Human Dimension and Elayna

Life is change and when we are flexible, we can best deal with change. We had to reschedule our announced program for tonight on “How to Release Unfinished Business and Make your New Year Brighter!” for February because my guest Eileen Broer is under the weather. Instead I will be presenting “The Language of Understanding”, an overview of personality types based on Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

People react to change in different ways depending on many factors including their personality. Understanding the concept of personality differences offers you a window to other ways of thinking and behaving that are different than your own and can increase your appreciation for others.

The topic of Venita’s View by Venita Garvin Valdez is “Self-Acceptance”.

Listen to the show: Language of Understanding

Extroverts: Get their energy from interaction with their environment and other people. They want to process the change externally by talking and discussing their thoughts and feelings about it.

Introverts: Get their energy from solitude and are drained by people. They want time to think and reflect about the change and process it internally before discussing it with others.

Sensors: Rely on their 5 senses to perceive the world. They are practical, realistic and detail oriented. Their motto is “If it is not broken, don’t fix it”. They need to know why the change must occur. Then they want specifics of what is changing and details of what is expected of them.

Intuitives: Rely on their intuition to take in the world. They are inventive, conceptual and big picture oriented. Interested in whether or not the changes fit their ideas of what should happen and how they affect the big picture. They like to participate in designing the future.

Thinkers: Make decisions based on logical analysis and ‘Cause & effect”. They evaluate the situation from outside. They need logical explanation for the change and that it will be fair to everyone.

Feelers: Make decisions based on personal values and impact on others. They tend to evaluate the situation as if they are personally in it. They are more concerned about how everyone will be affected by the change and that all involved are treated with compassion and care.

Judgers: Are decisive and like life to be planned and orderly. They find comfort in schedules and structure. When things change, they want plans, schedules, priorities and to know who is supposed to do what.

Perceivers: Are receptive to change and enjoy having options. They like to go with the flow and be flexible. They find comfort in living spontaneously. In changing situations, they want to have flexibility in the plans and schedules so they can respond to new information that might require even more change.

About Afsaneh Noori:

Iranian born and raised, Afsaneh and her immediate family moved to the United States in 1974. Migration was a major change that marked the way she perceived life from that point on. Moving from Middle East to USA at 20, Iran’s Revolution and execution of her loved ones, Going from riches to rags, Multiple marriages and divorces, Becoming a mother, discovering her sexual orientation at 48, Leaving corporate life to start a business and become a spiritual teacher are among the changes that she has made work in her life and that gives her the passion to help others through change.

Afsaneh launched her newest project, Change Thrivers in 2006 based on her book Change Thrivers- Your Resource Guide for Making Change Work. In Change Thrivers, Afsaneh draws upon her 20 years of organizational consulting experience as well as her personal journey towards self-discovery. Through Change Thrivers, Afsaneh teaches individuals how to embrace change and realize their undiscovered potential. From books and keynote speeches to seminars, tele-series, workshops, coaching and a radio show, Afsaneh’s Change Thrivers empowers people to successfully navigate the uncertainty of change by understanding the nature of change and trusting the process of life.

People react to change in different ways depending on many factors including their personality. This program is based on the theories of Myers-Briggs type indicator. Understanding the concept of personality differences offers you a window to other ways of thinking and behaving that are different than your own and increases your appreciation for others.

Change Thrivers Tips:

Please consider listening to the upcoming radio internet show that will focus on the issue and the dynamics of domestic violence on Monday, October 4, 2010 at 6:30 PM Eastern Standard Time (EST). 

The guest on the show will be Venita Garvin Valdez, CEO of the Domestic Abuse Shelter, Inc. serving victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in the Florida Keys. Parents, Grandparents, Mentors and concerned persons, please encourage young teens (both young women and young men) to listen also to this upcoming show given the prevalence in which teen dating violence is happening at such an alarming rate to our young people. Education on the issue and knowledge of resources available is key to breaking the continued cycle of domestic violence.

Tune in at www.blogtalkradio.com/change-thrivers  Monday, October 4, 2010 at  6:30 PM Eastern Standard Time

Change Thrivers Radio will dedicate the October 4, 2010 show to the discussion of domestic violence, a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercive threats, intimidation, isolation, and emotional, sexual, or economic abuse to control the other partner in the relationship. The show will focus too on positioning victims on the journey of transformation to becoming survivors and onward to embracing a life free of violence and abuse. Information on how to access services for victims of domestic violence will be made available during the show.

Venita Garvin Valdez, Chief Executive Officer of the Domestic Abuse Shelter, Inc., a crisis center serving victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in Monroe County, Florida, an advocate of violence against women, men and children for twenty years and co-host of the radio show Change Thrivers will be the guest interviewed on the October 4th show.

Please join co-hosts Afsaneh Noori and Venita Garvin Valdez on Monday, October 4th at 6:30 pm for CHANGE THRIVERS RADIO, a show designed to provide informative tools and resources for women and supportive men determined to ride the waves of change present in their lives.

Tune in at www.blogtalkradio.com/change-thrivers

Call in and listen to the show and chat during the live show by calling 914-803-4846.

Unable to listen to the show live? Visit www.ChangeThrivers.com for archived shows at a time convenient for you.

Magda made a very yummy casserole and salad for dinner tonight. We called to check on Vonda and Maggie who were on their way to Apple bees for dinner. We asked them to have dinner with us instead. An hour later, the four of us were sitting around the kitchen table and chatting when Vonda said, “So you guys are coming to Bob’s retirement party, right?”

Bob is a close friend of Vonda at work but we have only met once when we were helping Maggie and Vonda move into their new home! Last week Vonda told us about the party and said that we are invited. Maggie and Vonda were excited and were looking forward to much fun and all kinds of good food. Magda and I would only know a couple of people at the party and this didn’t sound like something we would be eager to do. We would enjoy being with Maggie and Vonda but they planned to help with the party and would be busy at least some of the time. I understood that they anticipated an enjoyable time and Vonda wanted to share the fun with me. I also knew that I could be honest with her. So I said: “Ahhh, I don’t think so!”

Magda and Maggie decided to stay out of this one and let Vonda and I figure it out! Here is the rest of our conversation…

Vonda: “But why? I really want you to come.”

Me: “I don’t know most of the people and you know that I don’t usually enjoy large crowds of strangers.”

Vonda: “ I know but I selfishly want you there because it will be more fun for me!”

Me: “Ok, tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is it to you for me to come?”

Vonda: “Again selfishly, having you there is a 10 for me because I don’t get to see you often enough but I do see your point. Now, as to how mad at you I will be if you don’t come, eh about a 3!”

Me: Oh good, because on that scale, how much I don’t want to go to the party is 10, but if it meant a lot to you then I would go. I have an idea to make it up. Why don’t we instead take a couple of hours this Tuesday afternoon when you are off, for you and I to just hang out and catch up?

Vonda: OK! I like that.

And a high five across the dinner table sealed the deal.

Here are 5 tips to consider for enhancing your relationships:

• The more secure you feel in a relationship, the more real you can be.
• When you feel cared about, you can more easily give each other the benefit of the doubt and not takes thing too personally before you hear the full story.
• You can be honest without being hurtful.
• When in doubt, ask instead of making your own story. Clarity is the antidote to misunderstanding a better base for making good decisions!
• When you are honest with yourself and open to each other’s point of view you can explore alternatives that can work better for both of you.

As a woman who has gone through divorce 3 times, I can sympathize. Understanding the cycle of change and the emotions involved, I know that they are going through an ending. In every ending we give up something for something else. In all endings there is loss. We still experience mourning, even if the ending was our choice. While we are in the thick of things, we often numb out because the emotions that make us feel vulnerable become too much to handle. Numbing out is our bodies safeguard to keep us from falling apart when we feel we have to be strong. We blow an emotional fuse so we can stay in our head and do what we must. But we hold on to our anger, resentment and other negative emotions so we can let go of our partner and make the break. We focus on the END when we will be out of the situation we are finding intolerable.

The physical or legal end of a relationship is not always the emotional end of it. When the physical separation is finally complete, we no longer feel that we have to hold back. We let go and we feel the relief and the pain. Conflicting emotions flood us. We are finally out of the relationship that we no longer belonged to but we mourn the loss of the hopes and dreams that we envisioned when we first came together. We mourn what we thought we could have been together. We remember the better times, when we were open to each other and in love. We remember the things we still liked about the other person and miss them for that. We miss the things we still enjoyed doing together. When we separate, we feel safe again to become aware of the qualities that were overshadowed by our hurt, anger, fear, numbness,…

I coach my clients to honor their feelings and allow themselves to experience them no matter how painful they become. The only way to the other side is through the emotions and finding the meaning in them. I advise the to write their feelings down or talk about it with someone they feel safe with. It is perfectly normal to have conflicting feelings and to experience moments of pain and relief. I encourage women to find ways to express these emotions without judging or justifying them. Emotions are signals from within us that do not always fit our logical mind. Never-the-less, they always contain important messages for us. When we express them, the messages reveal themselves. When the energy of these emotions are depleted, they no longer hold any power over us. We can learn and grow from experiencing and expressing our emotions until we can forgive both of us for our parts, wish our ex-partner well and let them go. That is when we are emotionally separated and can begin to build a new future.

Link to a radio program that I did last year on Women In Transition Radio for Business and Professional Women Sometimes Divorce is the Answer

Mention this article and receive 25% off a coaching session with Afsaneh at info@ChangeThrivers.com