Do flowers question the Divine Order for their growth?

With big decisions looming ahead of me I found it hard to fall asleep last night. I don’t remember my dreams but I know they were fitful. I woke up late in the morning, still tired from the struggles of the last night. My spirit was damp and my heart heavy. I didn’t want to dream but I also didn’t want to wake up. I felt depressed and sluggish. My morning gratitude felt more like a habit than a genuine feeling.

Magda had already gone to work. I was alone with the cat. I felt no motivation to do anything. I made a simple breakfast and went back to my favorite green recliner in the bedroom. I just sat quietly as I sipped my morning tea. In the depth of my shadow, feeling my worst, I was focused on my short comings and failures. Although, the part of me that is secure in the Divine Order of All things calmly observed the mayhem of my ego, my feelings were all wrapped up in beating myself up. 

My wise, compassionate and generous life companion, Magda, called to check on me and I told her (more…)